Do I really care?
by buffypurple
Summary: Set after 'Wrecked' but with a little difference


Buffy limped into her house quietly. She was incredibly sore from her... um night with Spike. She was seriously regretting having sex with him.  
  
Why did he have to be such an idiot? He had her, she was starting to give in to him and then he had to make that comment about what the only thing better than killing a Slayer was.  
  
She managed to sneak up to her room without being detected by Willow or Dawn. She guessed that they had gone out for the day as she heard no sign of them in the house.  
  
Her feelings for the vampire had changed dramatically since she'd been brought back to life. He had gone from being beneath her (not literally), to being someone she could relate to, someone she could talk to without feeling judged.  
  
She had grown rather fond of him over the past few weeks, but was not willing to make a commitment to him. She was horrified about their little 'encounter' She didn't want to lead him on. She made up her mind to avoid him for a while, so she could figure things out.  
  
With a deep sigh, she collapsed onto her bed and fell into a deep sleep, full of dreams about him and the night they had shared together.  
  
* * *  
  
Buffy exited the bathroom looking pale. She had woken up the past few mornings to a feeling of nausea. She went back to her room and lay down on her bed, thinking about the last few weeks of avoiding Spike and her strange new 'illness'.  
  
Spike had tried to contact her many times after their little incident. She hadn't patrolled where she knew he could show up and she took a scooby or two with her so that if she did run into him, he couldn't make a scene.  
  
She had made a doctor's appointment for that afternoon. She was hoping desperately for him to tell her that it was just a stomach flu. Deep down she knew that she was pregnant and that Spike was the father.  
  
She buried her face in her hands and wept. What was she going to tell her friends? And Dawn. How was she going to react? How was Spike going to react?  
  
The trip to the doctor's surgery that afternoon confirmed her worst suspicions.  
  
After the examination, she was told that the baby was completely healthy and that there was nothing to worry about.  
  
She thanked the doctor and walked out of the examination room on shaky legs. She thought that Spike deserved to know the 'happy' news first. Buffy wasn't thrilled at the idea that her child's father was a centuries-old murderer, but she couldn't keep it from him, he might be happy at the news, he seemed to love her. She just hoped that he would support her decision to keep the baby and be involved as much as he wanted.  
  
She walked into his crypt quietly, her heart pounded in her chest. She shut the door quietly behind her.  
  
Spike jumped up from his chair when he heard her enter.  
  
"Long time no see Luv," he greeted amiably. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?" He looked relieved that she had finally come back to him. "Thought you were doing everything in your power to avoid me. What happened to that?" he asked resentfully.  
  
Buffy licked her dry lips nervously "Um... I had to see you."  
  
He stalked over to her, eyeing her body appreciatively. "Oh really? I knew you couldn't stay away long, before the tempta-"  
  
"Spike, that's not why I'm here." She knocked his hands away as they tried to seek purchase on her hips.  
  
He pouted, his lower lip jutting out. "But Buffy, you haven't been around in sooo long. I missed you," he whined like a little child.  
  
"Spike please. I have something that I really need to tell you."  
  
"You look so serious. What's the problem Kitten?" he asked worriedly. He reached out and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear lovingly.  
  
Buffy took in a big gulp of air and stared at the ground. "Spike, I'm pregnant," she said inaudibly.  
  
"What was that, Slayer?"  
  
She looked up at him. "I'm pregnant."  
  
His face fell. The sudden pain he felt at her words was agonizing. His shoulders slumped dejectedly and he turned away from her. "Oh."  
  
"Oh? That's it? Oh?" she said a little hysterically. He couldn't even make himself look at her, so he spoke to her with his eyes staring at the wall behind him. "Well congratulations Luv. I hope you and whoever the father is will be very happy," he told her dryly.  
  
So that was why he was acting so strangely to her news. He didn't think that it was his. She looked at the expression of pain on his face. This must be killing him.  
  
She stepped towards him and touched his shoulder, making him turn around to look at her. "Spike, I forgot to tell you the part where you're the father."  
  
She waited for the expression of happiness, but she was instead treated to one of abject horror.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked quickly. "I thought this would make you happy."  
  
"Now why the bloody hell did you think that?" he almost screamed at her disbelievingly.  
  
"You were upset at the thought that it wasn't yours," she said in despair.  
  
"You just come in here and tell me you're pregnant with my child. Me, Spike. I was a murderer for a hundred years and the only reason I'm not now, is because of this sodding chip. I haven't got a soul Luv! Why would this make me happy? It horrifies me!" he shouted.  
  
"I'm sorry," she spluttered with tears in her eyes. "It wasn't like I meant for this to happen either, you know."  
  
Spike seethed, silently pacing up and down his crypt.  
  
She watched him for a while. "Spike. Say something?" she pleaded.  
  
Spike stopped in front of her. "What do you expect me to say?" he asked indignantly.  
  
He ranted and raved at her for a few more minutes until she interrupted him.  
  
"Look! I'm sorry this happened! I'm not thrilled at the idea of being fully responsible for another life either. I didn't come here today to ask anything of you, I just thought that it was your right to know and I was going to let you be involved as much as you wanted. I have your answer, you obviously want nothing more to do with me or the baby so I'm going to go. Goodbye Spike, I would say that you shouldn't have to feel guilty but I know you won't because you can't feel any emotion except anger!" And with that she turned on her heel and stormed out of the crypt.  
  
Spike watched her go sadly. He hadn't meant to be so selfish, he hadn't even considered how scared she might feel at the prospect of motherhood. "You love her you bleedin' git! How could you do that to her at a time when she needed you the most?" he snapped at himself.  
  
He ran his hands through his hair. He couldn't be a father, he just couldn't. He wasn't angry at Buffy, like he'd made out. He was just scared ****less.  
  
"Oh balls! What am I going to do now?"  
  
* * *  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hi Giles," Buffy said cheerily, trying to cover for her nervousness.  
  
"Buffy, dear Lord, it feels like it's been forever. How are you?"  
  
"I'm pregnant," she blurted out.  
  
'Oh good, good and how is Dawn? Wait... What?"  
  
"I'm pregnant," she told him again then burst into tears.  
  
Giles listened sympathetically as she sobbed out the whole story.  
  
"...and now he doesn't want anything to do with me or the baby," she finished.  
  
"Why would you want him to be involved?" Giles asked curiously.  
  
"Giles, things have changed between us since I came back. I developed some um... feelings for him."  
  
"What sort of feelings?"  
  
"Giles, I think I love him," she confessed.  
  
She could hear the predictable squeaky noise of cloth on glass.  
  
"Bugger!" she heard him mutter after a few seconds of waiting for his reaction.  
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
"Nothing, one of the lenses just fell out of the frame."  
  
"I knew one day I'd do something so shocking that you'd polish the lenses right out of their frames," she laughed nervously.  
  
"Quite."  
  
"Giles? What shall I do? I'm... scared."  
  
"Do you need me there with you?" he questioned.  
  
"Honestly... All I want it your advice. If you were here you'd kill him," she said seriously.  
  
"You've got that right, though I'd torture him a bit first."  
  
Buffy shuddered at the tone of 'Ripper' in his voice.  
  
"Giles?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Are you disappointed in me?" she asked, afraid of the answer.  
  
"No! No of course not! I don't think you could ever disappoint me. I'm so proud of you, Buffy," he said sincerely. "I honestly don't know what to tell you. This is something I think you need to do on your own."  
  
"I understand. I feel better now just knowing that you support me, you know?"  
  
She imagined that he would be smiling in that shy trademark way of his.  
  
"Take care of yourself won't you? Ring me if you need anything," he told her.  
  
"I will," she promised. "And Giles?"  
  
"Yes Buffy?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you too Buffy. Goodbye."  
  
-------  
  
Over a month had gone by and Buffy hadn't heard from Spike since she'd told him her news.  
  
Things had been very quiet around Sunnydale. No new or old Demons or Vampires had shown up to make her life hell. Which made Buffy glad, as she always feared that if she got kicked in the stomach the baby would be hurt. She still did a short patrol every night just to make sure that the world was safe for the time being.  
  
Buffy sat down at the kitchen table, one hand resting sub-consciously on her still flat stomach.  
  
She read her mail as she sipped from a glass of orange juice. When she came to a statement from her bank, she almost spit the juice back out.  
  
There had to be some mistake, there was no-way she had that much money. She quickly rang up her bank who informed her that she had not made a mistake, and that an English uncle had been putting money into her account every couple of weeks for a little while now.  
  
She smiled and decided that she was going to buy Giles a thank you card that very afternoon. She was going to have to talk to him about it though. There was no-way he could afford to put several thousand pounds in her account every two weeks.  
  
That night, she did a quick patrol. She was lost in thought about how, when and where she should tell her friends about the baby. She wasn't really paying attention to where she was going, and tripped over a chunk of gravestone that had been weathered away from the rest.  
  
"Oof!" she cried as she fell flat on her face. "Way to go Buffy! That was graceful." She said to herself.  
  
She was just climbing to her feet, when she was forced to the ground yet again. This time, by a newly risen Vamp armed with a shovel.  
  
He climbed atop her and pinned her wrists above her head. She was trying her best to fend him off, but she was dazed by a blow from the shovel.  
  
She closed her eyes tightly and prayed to anyone who would listen to spare her and her unborn child as she felt his fangs graze her neck.  
  
Suddenly the weight of the Vampire was knocked off of her. She opened her eyes to see an extremely pissed-off Spike beating the newbie into a bloody pulp.  
  
Spike's eyes flashed with uncontained anger as he wailed on the Vampire. He growled low in his throat. "You won't come near her or my child ever! EVER AGAIN!" he lashed out and smiled in grim satisfaction as the Vamp turned to dust.  
  
Buffy watched wide-eyed. "Spike?" she asked, her voice full of hope.  
  
Spike glanced back at her sadly and disappeared into the night, his coat flapping in the wind.  
  
* * *  
  
Buffy stomped up to her room and burst into tears. She curled up in a ball with a hand on her stomach and rocked backwards and forwards.  
  
There had been no way to hide the fact that she was pregnant any longer, so she had gone to the magic box (wearing the loosest fitting clothes in an attempt to hide her bump) and told her friends the news. They had been upset with her, told her she was ruining her life. Then, after she had informed them that Spike was the father, they had been disgusted.  
  
Xander had called her no less than a whore and Willow had been screaming at her because she had lied and hadn't told them sooner.  
  
She had run out of the shop crying.  
  
"Come in!" Buffy called in a teary voice at the small rap on the door.  
  
Dawn opened the door cautiously. "Buffy?" she asked worriedly.  
  
She took in the sight of her sister lying on the bed, clutching her slightly bulging stomach and crying loudly.  
  
A tear ran down Dawn's own face. She went over and pulled Buffy into her arms. "Shh Buffy, don't cry. It'll all be ok."  
  
"No it won't Dawnie," Buffy wept. "They all want nothing to do with me. Spike abandoned me, Willow and Xander yelled at me. I can't do this on my own," she gestured to her stomach.  
  
Dawn had known she was pregnant for quite some time, but she had been patient and waited until her sister thought it was the right time to tell her.  
  
"You can do this Buffy. I'm here to help, together we can do anything!"  
  
* * *  
  
Spike watched them from his much used spot under the tree outside Buffy's window.  
  
He ached to be able to go up there and comfort Buffy himself.  
  
He'd made a vow to himself that he'd keep a distance, but it was getting harder and harder as he watched Buffy struggle to cope.  
  
He was lost in his inner turmoil when he heard her cry out his name.  
  
"Spike!" She sounded like a lost young girl.  
  
He froze.  
  
"Spike, I know you're down there, please... Just please come up and talk to me!"  
  
He hesitantly scaled the tree and slipped into her dimly lit room.  
  
Tears glistened in her eyes as she looked up at him from her seat on the edge of her bed.  
  
"I'm so lost," she confessed to him brokenly.  
  
He broke at her words and took her into his arms, holding her against his chest and rocking her gently as she wept.  
  
"I'm sorry, sorry, so sorry," he whispered into her hair. Tears sprang to his own eyes.  
  
"I don't understand," she sniffled. "If you're so angry with me, if you don't care about me anymore, why did you do it? Why have you been putting so much money into my account? Why have you been patrolling every night to protect me?"  
  
He looked at her, surprise evident in his clear blue eyes.  
  
"Of course I knew! You dummy! I just don't understand why."  
  
"Because I love you, you silly bint," he muttered. "With all my cold, dead, unbeating heart."  
  
It was her turn to look surprised. "But..."  
  
He took a deep breath. "I was scared," he confessed.  
  
"Of what?" she asked gently.  
  
"Of this." He placed a hand timidly on her stomach. "Of never being good enough, of never deserving this miraculous gift, of never being a good enough father and of never being good enough for you." His voice broke with emotion. "Because you deserve so much more."  
  
"So you...?"  
  
"So I patrolled for you, to keep you and our child safe. I sold my car and some other old crap I had lying around, so that you would be provided for. I was even gonna get a job when I'd run out of things to sell." He had stopped holding her and stared down at the ground.  
  
Buffy was beyond confused. "I-I don't know what to say..."  
  
"It's okay Luv, you really don't have to. Just tell me what you need, I'll stay out of your way and send you some money every now and again. You don't even have to let your baby know about me..."  
  
She stopped him with a finger to his lips. "All I need, all I've ever needed in this, is you."  
  
"Think about what you're saying Luv," he protested.  
  
"I already have."  
  
She smiled contentedly as his eyes lit up with happiness.  
  
* * *  
  
Time has passed!!!! TIME HAS PASSED!!! "Mommy!" A beautiful little blonde girl of the age of three ran up to Buffy and wrapped her arms around her legs.  
  
Buffy laughed and picked her up, balancing her on one hip as she kissed her forehead.  
  
"Daddy was naughty," she pouted.  
  
"Oh was he? What did Daddy do?" Buffy raised an eyebrow at an exhausted looking Spike in amusement.  
  
"He broke your favourite vase, the one Auntie Dawn gave you. Then he said he'd give me candy if I said it was me."  
  
Spike opened his mouth in protest. "It was her! She made me trip over on the purple dog thing that she left in the middle of the floor."  
  
"That you left in the middle of the floor, Daddy," the little girl reminded him, shaking her head.  
  
Buffy hid a smile behind her hand as Spike sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. "Fine!" He turned to Buffy. "I'll buy you a new sodding vase! Happy now?"  
  
"Ummm! Daddy said a bad word."  
  
Buffy looked a Spike sternly. "Spike! No swearing in front of Anne!" she admonished.  
  
"Oh bloomin' heck!"  
  
Buffy laughed at the adaptation from his old favourite curse.  
  
She set Anne down who immediately ran to Spike and jumped into his arms. "When do I get my candy Daddy?"  
  
"You don't anymore Princess, we had a bargain and you didn't stick to it," he told her severely.  
  
"No candy?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"I'm sorry Daddy, I just wanted you and Mommy to be pleased with me." Her bottom lip jutted out and her eyes filled with tears.  
  
It always amused Buffy to see how Spike would so easily give in to anything their daughter wanted after a few tears. She watched as his resolve weakened, and then...  
  
"I'm sorry baby, don't cry. You can have some candy." He cuddled her.  
  
Anne's expression immediately changed. "Yay!" She clapped her little hands together.  
  
"After dinner!" Buffy said sternly.  
  
Anne ran into the kitchen, climbed onto a stool and happily began colouring in her colouring book.  
  
"Rough day?" Buffy asked Spike.  
  
He groaned "You could say that Luv. She never seems to calm down. Though I wouldn't change her for the world," he said fondly.  
  
"Oh well, after dinner, we can put her to bed and have some quiet time all to ourselves. Feel up to it?" she asked suggestively.  
  
"Oh, I don't know Luv. You'll have to be very gentle with me. I've had a very hard day." He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her neck.  
  
"I can do gentle." 


End file.
